Graduation: Before and After

It’s been a couple of weeks—but a CRAZY couple of weeks—so it’s taken me some time to wrap up things and write this post.

Announcement 1: I Graduated!

My first announcement is that I graduated from Princeton University with a degree in Economics and certificates in Applications of Computing and Statistics and Machine Learning!

Reflecting on my time at Princeton, I realized that my biggest regret was faithless self-reliance. As a freshman, I had this mindset that I was going to do everything on my own and, in that process, succeed by my own merit: In my coursework, the internship search, and so on. It felt uncomfortable to ask for and receive help—to benefit from any advantage outside of what was standard. I’m not sure why I was like this, but the most likely conclusion I’ve come to is because I didn’t want to admit I was someone incapable of doing it all on my own. So, even when the result was subpar, I took pride in the fact that, in the end, it had all been my work.

Junior and Senior year completely tore down this mindset. These were years when I recognized how completely powerless I was to change the situations and people around me; indeed, how little authority I had over my own thoughts and body. Yet I praise God for these difficult moments because they woke me up to my need for others.

Announcement 2: I Raised My Thesis Grade

My second announcement (not really an announcement but something to demonstrate the point I’m making) is that I was able to appeal and raise my senior thesis grade! To me and my thesis advisor, this is pretty much unprecedented. The economics department has one of the most black-box thesis processes: We get assigned a second reader whose identity we never learn and whose evaluation is weighted twice as much as the advisor’s evaluation. To make matters worse, the economics department is one of the only—if not the only—department(s) without a thesis defense, making it impossible to respond to any of the second reader’s criticisms. And as things turned out, my advisor and second reader gave me vastly different scores on my thesis. The final grade was disappointing.

After seeing my grade, I never really got past the denial/anger stages of grief: I began reading through every department’s senior thesis handbook, highlighting the advantages they had over the economics department, ultimately making the case that I should at least be able to appeal my grade and defend my thesis to the second reader who gave me the low grade. This resulted in two ~3000-word essays I wrote in several days—the first stating my thesis appeal, and when the department rejected that appeal, stating my appeal to their rejection.

While I would like to think this was the result of my hard work and brilliantly incisive arguments, I very much recognize that they alone would have done nothing to even bend the ear of the Princeton economics department. Why would they listen to me, some random student who’ll be graduating and be out of their hair in a few weeks?

The most important thing I did (which my roommate’s girlfriend recommended—thanks Isabel) was first contact my advisor and present my case to him. While the economics department would likely not care about what I have to say, they would care about what he had to say.

And he said quite a few things on my behalf, contacting the right people, putting my appeal in their inbox, and responding to questions they brought up. In the end, I am certain it was my advisor’s credibility and confidence in my thesis—not my two 3000-word essays—that made those seemingly untouchable numbers on my transcript jump. Not by my own strength or qualifications, but his.

I remember throughout the whole process, though my stomach hurt with anxiety and I often wanted to throw in the towel, not knowing if my efforts would lead to anything, I sometimes felt a strange sense of confidence knowing that my advisor was on my side, interceding for me. And this convicted me so much about how I live my life, knowing that Jesus Christ, the exalted Son of God, who conquered sin and the grave and is now seated at the right hand of God, is indeed interceding for me. How much more confidence should I have in His intercession than my advisor’s?

But anyway, I was HYPED at the news. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted off from me. I had won.

However, several hours later, I got a call. It was the recruiter for the job I had lined up after graduation—a consulting job in Atlanta that I liked. The only problem with this offer was that I never officially got it: It was all contingent on me officially obtaining my bachelor’s degree, and only then, they said, could they extend me the offer.

“I’m sorry to say but we decided to go with a different candidate.”

That hype dried up so fast. I said some nice things about it being tough, but yeah, I understand, that’s just how the recruiting game goes. The recruiter offered to refer me for a different job in the company, and I said, sure. I hung up the phone.

But I couldn’t sit there and mope for long. I was leaving for Mexico in one hour for a week-long mission trip. “Wow,” I thought to myself. “I can’t catch a break.”

More about Mexico another time, but it wasn’t easy. So many thoughts were going on in my head. And as difficult and dirty as the trip was, a part of me didn’t want to go back home and face the reality I had waiting for me, that my future was spiraling further and further out of my hands. Yet that experience throughout my thesis appeal gave me the small amount of faith I needed. I have God on my side. What’s there to be afraid of?

Announcement 3: I'm Moving to Atlanta

Several days after returning from Mexico and graduation, I got an email from the recruiter again asking if we could call. We shoot for a time several days later. I’m hoping maybe that old job opened again. Maybe the other guy declined it or maybe someone else on the team suddenly up and left. Or maybe they were just being polite and were finally, officially, putting an end to my candidacy.

I didn’t get that job.

BUT I did get the other one the recruiter told me to apply for. Not only did I never interview for this position (they based the decision on my interview rounds for the other job), but it wasn’t even an entry-level role and even had the numeral “II” next to the job title. This also meant that it paid more and fast-tracked me to a more senior role.

I’m pretty sure I can explain to you exactly why this happened: It’s because of the hiring manager. He was the first person that I spoke with, and for some reason, I got the impression we clicked during our initial conversation. Throughout the whole application process (this was in fact the third role I applied for at the company) he was in constant communication with me and even texted me updates about the application process so that I'd get them faster. For some reason, he was on my side. Just as my thesis advisor had been.

Final thoughts

Over my four years at Princeton, I think God has taught me and is still teaching me many things. But if there is one lesson He’s repeatedly pounded into me (often out of necessity), it is to depend on Him and not myself. To work hard, but to then entrust the outcome wholly to Him, from whose hand comes every good gift and holds the decision of every lot. It’s a lesson that is so often spoken about and prayed over but so difficult to fully live out. Even now, surely, there are parts of me that want to seize the reins of my future, especially as I enter my young adult life, and steer it where I want to go. Yet I know that His ways are higher and better than mine. My hope now is that, even through the periods of trial and testing that will inevitably come, would I still say all of this. Not because I feel super spiritual all the time. Not because my faith is always the strongest. But simply because it is true. He is in control.

What makes for a rewarding college experience? Hard work, and the grace of God. Especially His grace.